


You have to go with him

by pictureasmile



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Harry is broken, M/M, Self Harm, Uni AU, im so bad at this :(, louis is an idiot, what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 08:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1260226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pictureasmile/pseuds/pictureasmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You will never love me like you love him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You have to go with him

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise for every mistake. And hope you enjoy it, if not... than you don't.  
> Have a nice day loves :)

I was sixteen when I met him. I just moved to London with UNI starting in a week. He sat on one of the beds in the room I was supposed to live in. Two boys were with him and they were deep in a conversation. I remember that I didn't want to interrupt when the boy looked up from the footie game the boys watched. "Hi," he said a bright smile on his face. "Hey," I said back, my voice small. I was never good at talking with strangers. " M'Louis and you are?" He asked me. " Harry," I answerd still too shy to talk louder. The other two boys looked at me as well and I was so unbelievable uncomfortable. The Louis Boy started to smile. It was a nice smile. " So you are the guy I will live with for the next School year? Nice Meeting you Harry." Louis stood up and turned back around to the other boys. "These are Zayn," he pointed to a boy with Tattoo scattered arms, "and this is Niall." Niall was smaller than me and had blonde hair. They all looked nice enough. "You will see them here quite often, if you don't mind." I just shook my head. I didn't know this guys, why wouldn't I want them to be here? Louis smiled again. "You better leave now lads, so Harry can settle in a bit." Niall and Zayn nodded in understanding before Standing up and making there way out. "Nice Meeting you Harry," Niall said. "See you later Lou." Zayn gave me a small smile before following Niall out the door. "It's your first year then?" Louis asked and I directed back to him. "Yeah, it is." Louis nodded. "Yeah, I remember my first day quite good. It's my second year now although I'm already eighteen. It didn't feel right to leave my mom alone with my sisters you know?"   
I realised that Louis was one of those open persones. Someone I could never be. It wasn't the last time that he would tell me things that not everybody would feel comfortable with to share with somebody they barley knew. But it was one of the reasons we clicked so easlily. A few month later nobody could imagine us without the other. I got along with Niall and Zayn perectly. While Louis was my best friend ever, the one I would tell everything, because by now I told him stories about me too. Stories I nver told anyone before. I trusted him. We thought to get a flat together after this year and Niall and Zayn were happy to get out of the dorm rooms too. So it was setteled. We four would move in together. When the year was coming to an end we were more five than four, because Zayn and his boyfriend, Liam were inseperable by now. We all were happy for him and they were just too adorable to be disgusted.  
We lived together for half a year when Louis came home with a big smile on his face. Everybody knew by then that I was deeply in love with him without the boy in question himself. I didn't mind. I was sure that he didn't feel the same way about me and I excepte it really early in our friendship, because Louis was so easy to fall for. But as easy as it was, sadly it was hard to fall out of love. I didn't knew that face and it kind of scared me. "What makes you so happy Lou?" I asked him. "I met the perfect Girl Haz," was his answer. I knew I shouldn't panic. It wasn't the first time that Louis met someone let alone brought home. But his face showed that it was different from all these other times.   
I couldn't show that I didn't like the thought of Louis was somebody else. But that wasn't a problem anymore I became good in hiding what I really thought and even Louis couldn't read me as easily anymore. "That's great Lou," I smiled. "What's her Name than?"  
I whished I never asked, because the moment the question left my mouth Louis started to talk and it seemed like he couldn't stop. I felt absolutly horrible and mean. I knew that this girl has to be someone special if she caught Louis' attention. Half an hour later Louis still didn't finish the story about her hair. And yes, he really talked about her hair like it was the most perfect Thing he ever sa in his enitre life. Thanks god Liam and Zayn chose that moment to come back home. I took my homework as an excuse so I wouldn't have to listen to Louis talking about Eleanor for another half an hour. Louis didn't seem to be faced by it and just started to tell the coupe what he already told me. In my room I locked the door behind me, something I usually didn't do. What nobody did, because we didn't need to. I curled in on myself and tried to make myself as small as possible which wasnt really that small anymore because I grew so much in the last year.  
They had their first date a week later in a coffeeshop. "So we can really get to know each other, you know Haz?" I just nodded when Louis asked me if the coffeshop is a good Thing to do. I had helped him to find the right Outfit and resured him that everything will go perfectly.  
After he came back I listened to him talking about everything they said and how perfect he thinks she is. This was the first time I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. It was the first time I cried myself to sleep and the first time I woke up with red scratches on my inner thigh. I pretended to be alright and even the other boys didn't realise that I hated it. They thought I really was over my crush on Louis. But it was always so much more than just a crush.  
Two days later they had their second date, short after their third until Louis started to spent more time with Eleanor than with anybody else.  
We all were happy for him. I was too but it didn't change the fact that it broke me. I spent more and more time in my room trying to concentrate on my work rather than the fact that Louis was out with Eleanor again. Zayn and Liam spent a lot of time together too now that the flat was a bit emptier than before and Niall couldn't stand them being so completly in love which was why he went out a lot and met other friends from classes. The time Louis and I spent together was rare, but it was always until he left for a study date with her or he went picking her up from her job. It was then that I started to skip some meals here and there. Often I didn't feel like eating. The flat too emptey ,too quit.  
It was on my birthday party that Louis intodruced us all to Eleanor. And he was right. She was absolutly lovely. Beautiful, stunning, pretty, perfect. My bithday was ruined. I had to watch them Dance to all Kind of songs. Slow ones, where they kissed and looked deep into each others eyes and I hated it, hated it so much. Fast songs where she would grind onto him his Hands wandring up and down finfing there place around her hips. I got pissed. I knew I shouldn't drink so much, but there wasn't really anyone who would stop me. Sadly I forgot that I barley ate anything that day. When I felt myself losing my coordination I knew I had to leave. Which was exactly what I did. I don't know how I found my way to the tube Station or how I took the right Train home, but I did and a few hours later I found myself in my mothers arm crying. I didn't want to leave. I never ever wanted to leave her again. She understood. She didn't see, but she understood. I spent a week there without taking any calls from my friends nor answering their worried messages. Only when Liam wanted to inform the Police I answerd. They should stop worring, I was alright and would come back in a few days. This seemed to satisfy them, because they stopped writing me and I was relived. My mother was sad when I left again and I promissed to come visit soon. I came home to an emptey flat. Louis' bed was untouched. He must have spent his night as Eleanors' . He never makes his bed in the morning. I made my way to the bathroom to take a shower and let blood flow down with the hot water. With the week at my mothers and the fresh burn in my thighs I felt better than in a long time. Especially because they burnt properly again, after I didn't cut in such a long time. And yes, eight days are long, too Long extually. I didn't eat much at home, my parents were working and I lied when she asked if I was hungry. I don't really remember when I lost my appitite compltetly, but I did until the point where I alomst ate nothing. I made my way to my room and changed into sweat pants and a too big sweater. Tomorrow I will have to go back to uni which meant that sleeping had to be my priority. I curled in on myself again, because it was the easiest way for me to fall asleepl. In this position I was found by my best friend. "Haz," Louis practically screamed, before he jumped on me. I didn't react, my whole body hurting, the weight of my friend too much for my body. "Lou," I mumbled before turning away and clsing my tired eyes again. I didn't want to see him not right now. I wasn't strong enough. "Haz?" I heared the hurt in his voice but I only shook my head. "Let me sleep, please," I said before tugging my blanket tighter around me. I knew I hurt Louis with my coldness. I never was like this and there was no visible reason why I would first ignore him for a week and then be so cold. "Alright," he whispered. His voice small before he stood up and left my room. I felt the first tears Streaming down before he had closed the door behind himself. I woke up four hours later. It was almost ten pm and light shown into my room through the Little gap under my door. My stomach hurt like hell and I knew that I had to get up to get some food. I hoped we have some fruits here,bacuase for anything else it was too late. I rolled out of my bed, my legs aching from the fresh wounds there. The light from the living room was too bright for my eyes but I didn't care, I just wanted some food before going back to bed. I to not make any noice and succeded. I grabbed a banana before making my way back to my room when I heard a female voice talking. He really brought her here? In our home? I kew that it was unfair. They were together for Christs sake. What did I acpect? That they only meet at hers? Maybe I had hoped. "I can't do it anymore Lou."Vher voice was small, unsure. "What can't you do anymore?" "This here. Us." "What?" He was shocked and hurt. And if I wasn't so broken already that would have broke me. "I...Lou please. You will never love me like you love him. C'mon don't look at me like this. Do you remember our first date? You..I don't know. Lou you were talking ablout him all the time. On the second date you tried to surppress it and on the third you were barley talking because you knew what you were doing. And this last week Lou? You were a right mess. You were always restless when you lay next to me, but you didn't sleep an hour straight. You have to go to him." I was shocked and before I could hold myself I ran past the living room out the front door to get away. "Harry!" I heard his voice calling after me. But I couldn't stop. I just ran and ran until my body ached (which was really fast, because my body didn't have the energie to much anymore) . Without realising I had run to the river. The same we spent a ot of time at last summer, where we met Liam for the first time as Zayn's boyfriend. But it was also the place where I realised that I'm in love with Louis. I always went here when I felt like right shit. I compltely forgot about it. But Louis didn't. "Harry," he whispered. Tears were still streaming down my face. "Harry. Love. Talk to me." He pleaded. But is there to say? What am I supposed to say? "What did she mean Lou?" I whispered my voice barley strong enough for him to hear. But he was used to me talking slow and calm. "About who did she talk?" Louis reminded silent next to me. "Lou?" I tuned to him so I could see his face. He lifts his head with my movement his eyes immediately Meeting mine. "She was talking about you," he whispered. "You love me?" Was it true? Can it change something? I didn't dare taking my eyes of off him until he nodded his head yes. The next second I laid in his arms, my arms around his neck and my head tucked into it. "I love you too" I mumbled into his neck. "You love me too?" His voice was full off disbelieve and I ha to laugh. We were such idiots weren't we? "Yes, I love you too," my voice louder now, after I lifted my head up from his shoulder/neck.  
It wasn't eas after that. mean we kissed and we were happy. We finally had each other and as Long as we wante we would have the other, because neither of us thought about our love ever ending. We talked about all our feelings before we started anything and it took us a few weeks until we first kissed, but when it happpened it was the most perfect thing and we wouldn't want it any other way. The first time we wanted to do something sexual was the most hurtful thing. We builded it up slowly to this point and when Louis saw me naked he was shocked. He broke in tears and wouldn't stop to apologise. He didn't know about me self harming and even if everything visible were only faded scars, he knew why I did it to myself. And he didn't like how thin I became. I started to eat more and we talked about everything. He asked me always how my day was and how I was doing. He wanted me to see a doctor, but realised fast that it wasn't needed.

-Eight years later we thought back to this time. I t wasn't a beautiful past. It was hurtful and we both did things we regret, but it lead us to this moment. This moment of pure perfection. The moment he slipped the ring on my finger we both kew we were exactly where we wanted to be all along. New friends, old friends, Family, everybody we care about wer here with us and we couldn't be happier. he kissed me like he always did. With all his love a kiss could give another Person, with all he has to give and I kiss hm back the exact same way. The future won't be perfect, we won't be perfect, but we will be there together and that is everything we care about. Being together.


End file.
